Is happiness stupid?

Here’s the quandary. Take poor, confused Tonya. Tonya turned up at the Chabad House one Tuesday when Rebbetzin Chaya was giving a class on “think good and it will be good.”

It was just the mantra Tonya was looking for. She spent that week chanting to herself, again and again, “think good and it will be good.”

She chanted it as she studied for her exam—and she aced that exam. She chanted it before asking for a vacation—and she got her vacation.

Then she went to visit a friend who was sitting shivah, in mourning for her mother. Tonya told her friend, “Think good and it will be good.”

But her friend said, “Tonya, I’m in mourning now for my mother.”

Then came next Tuesday at Chabad. Rebbetzin Chaya spoke about how the Jewish people have always prayed and longed for the times of Moshiach. She sighed and concluded, “We need Moshiach now!”

“Rebbetzin!” Tonya exclaimed. “Think good and it will be good!”

But the rebbetzin answered, "Sometimes we need to feel the pain.”

Life As Paradox

You can see Tonya’s confusion: Is life about being positive and happy? Or is it about feeling the emotion of the moment? The emotion of the moment can drag you down. Happiness and positivity can pick you up and make real change. Why can’t we just stay in that bliss 24/7?

But no, there’s no one-size-fits-all in human life. Even when thinking good, there’s got to be some tiny space for crying out about what’s not good. And even when one of those times comes for crying bitterly, there’s got to be something inside you that remains whole and optimistic.

In fact, everything in life requires you to feel the opposite of whatever it is you’re feeling. Sometimes, it’s a sequence. Sometimes, it’s simultaneous.

Sometimes, you can’t get back to life without first going through a period of mourning.

Sometimes, you can’t treasure all you’ve got without first losing some of it.

Sometimes, you can’t feel good about your accomplishments until you’ve fallen flat on your face.

Sometimes, it’s simultaneous.

If you want to be happy about something, you need to be sad about something else. If you want to become big, you need to make yourself small. If you want to feel rich, you need to feel what it means to be poor.

You can only truly feel grateful for the wholesomeness of your life because you’re broken inside and feel you deserve nothing.

You can only feel the real, tremendous joy that you have in a relationship with the Creator of Everything because you feel like nothing in your awe before Him.

You can only feel the sweetness of closeness to G‑d that comes with a mitzvah because you feel the bitterness of distance, being just another smushy organism inside a carbon-based shell.

As the Zohar says, “Joy is fixed in my heart from one side, and tears from the other side.”1 Like an engine driven by a dynamic of two polar charges, bitterness and joy drive one another, feed off one another, and carry you to the highest heights.2

Realistic Optimism

No, the road to happiness is not paved with stupidity. You can’t say, “Ignore the bad. Think only about the good. No matter how hard life slaps you in the face, happiness will carry you over it. No other emotion is needed.”

Rather, you say, “It's a tough world out there. Nature can be awful mean. People are inherently selfish and can do nasty things you can’t imagine. And it’s those people who most often run the show. But I tie myself to the One Above who cares about me like a father cares about his only child. Together, we will turn this ugliness around and make a beautiful world.”

Like David said in his psalm, “I lift my eyes to the mountains. There’s nothing that can help me. My help is from G‑d who makes heaven and earth.”3

David recognized how impossibly dire was his situation—and that itself informed him of how great was G‑d’s love and His miracles that would save him. Nothing and no one could help—except for the One who created it all, who is beyond something and nothing, and so can do anything.4

The true optimist is a realist. Because it’s not a binary world. Yes, the choice comes down to what’s right and what’s wrong, but the good and bad are so deeply intertwined, you can’t deal with one without stepping into the other.

They’re intertwined in your heart. Within the disappointment you feel over your failure, there you can find the strength to succeed. Within the bitterness in your heart for the loss of good friends, there you can find reason to celebrate life and to treasure every encounter with a human being. When your self-esteem is broken, pummeled into the ground, from there you gain the maturity to understand who you really are, what you can accomplish, and to stand proud in your achievements.

You enter within each of these, but with intent, with purpose. Because nothing in life is without meaning. Everything is G‑d leading you somewhere by the hand. And that somewhere is always higher than anywhere you have been until now.

Always Happy

Then, beneath every emotion lies the true happiness. Perhaps not a jump-for-glee happiness, but an inner vitality, a spark that glows within the pitch darkness, a drop of honey within bitterness, a wholeness that can’t be divided within the brokenness, even within the mourning and disappointment.5

In each, you find that spark that says, “I can do this. I can make it through. Because I’m not alone. Through all this, I have at my side the One who made heaven and earth.”

Indeed, the Jewish people have been doing this since the times of Abraham. We are alive, because in everything, even in our most bitter tears, we celebrate life.

And life ultimately wins when Moshiach arrives, sooner than you can imagine.