Dear Friend,

When you can’t change the reality how do you react? Do you,

1. Keep fighting to the death

2. Roll over and give up 

3. Or perhaps you have learned how to accept and commit to living your life according to your values despite the unwanted or ideal situation.

Stephen Hayes’ successful therapy “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy” (ACT) is based on the above third option and has been shown to decrease suffering and quality of life. 

We learn this lesson early on in our Jewish history from our greatest, none other than Moses himself. Moses at the beginning of the weekly Torah reading recalls before the Israelites his plea before G-d to allow him to enter the good and holy land, Israel:

“I pray You, let me go over and see the good land that is beyond the Jordan, that goodly mountain and the Levanon.”

But G-d was angry with me for your sakes and would not hear me. G-d said to me: “Enough! Speak no more to Me of this matter.

“Go up to the top of the summit, and lift up your eyes westward, northward, southward and eastward, and see with your eyes; for you shall not cross this Jordan.

Moses accepts his lot and refocuses his energies on his most important values and life's mission; the Jewish people and their secure and successful passage into the land of Israel. He immediately speaks regarding Joshua his successor and the traits he will have to work on to fulfil his task of leading the Jewish people into Israel. 

Acceptance is a powerful attribute. It is not foreclosure, weakness or giving up the struggle. It is rather a mature and values-based approach to life's seemingly unfair realities. When you stop fighting against reality, the suffering and resistance abates, and you become free to rededicate yourself to what is valuable and important to you in spite of the reality, just like Moses!

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Zushe Cunin